Why Does This Have to Be So Hard?
I can’t tell you have many times I have heard that very statement, or thought it myself. I will be talking with a couple that are going through a difficult time in their marriage and this will come out. I will be talking with a student about how school is going and it will come out again. I will be visiting with a family about budgeting and living within their means and out it pops again. I even have one person say this about church. Oh, yeah, that was me.
This morning, while complaining to God about some difficult marriages in my congregation, I read
Psalm 131
“A Song of Ascents, of David. O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord From this time forth and forever.” (NASB95)
As I read this, I wrote the following in my journal:
“I am impacted by this scripture because it seems the opposite of what I do, but also of what I am called to do. I don’t want my heart to be proud and I certainly don’t want haughty eyes. I know that you hate both and I really don’t have a reason to be either because any good at all that comes out of my ministry has to be of You. I know this is a struggle because I have a tendency to want to exaggerate church statistics and health when visiting with other pastors. I have a tendency to stretch the truth when I tell a story to make myself look better or to make myself look significantly worse so as to encourage sympathy. I also tend to think that our church and denomination is right and everyone else is only “kind of right” while ignoring my, my church’s, and my denomination’s failures.
Because of these and other sins, I tend to get involved in things too great for me and constantly feel like I need to live up to the picture of me that I have manufactured. I can’t be quiet or satisfied or really rest without crashing and burning. I know that the antidote is to put my trust and glory and honor in You, but it is hard and I need you to work in me to help me do so.”
As I write this article, I am mindful that many people will think less of me than they already did and part of me bristles at this thought, but in the spirit of John 3:30, this must be. I long to be the child simply leaning against the F ather’s chest, hearing His heartbeat, and breathing in His essence and presence. If this is you as well, I hope that you will join with me and confess your sins to a trusted friend (I don’t recommend doing so through a newspaper article, but it is what it is) and asking them to hold you accountable for being still and letting God have His rightful place as the target of your honor and glory instead of always living for yourself.