James 4:1-12
Have you ever purchased anything that did not meet your expectations? Of course, you have! Think about how many toys you thought you “had to have” for Christmas, birthday, or even for your anniversary. Why are those things now long forgotten? Probably because you can live without them. Probably also because they were not exactly what you thought they were. Unfortunately, this is not something unique only to “stuff”. They can be true of our lives and even our happiness. What we think we need to be happy turns out to be the very things that frustrate us and cause us to be miserable.
In James 4, James describes how this works when it comes to relationships and, more specifically, the disagreements that come with those relationships. In James 4:1, James starts out by stating the obvious. Where do quarrels and conflicts come from? In other words, why is it that the very relationships that should produce happiness and harmony often cause us pain? He quickly answers the question with another question aimed at making the answer obvious. Does it not come from the pleasures that wage war in your members? Put another way, the reason that your relationships don’t provide you with the happiness that they could is because you come with demands, desires, and dreams that you want met without concern for what someone else might want. You think the relationship is about meeting your needs without concern for anyone else’s needs being met.
You have these needs battling for supremacy inside your head and heart and then you expect someone else to meet them. When people don’t meet them or put forth sufficient effort to make progress towards that goal, you get angry. That anger, if not tempered or resolved, can even lead to murder. With anger in full bloom, you fight and quarrel with others to make them meet your demands. You try and try everything you can think of to get other people to fill your need except for what you really need to do…ask God!
Having exhausted all the means by which you can imagine meeting the need, you next turn to God; however, it is not for His will to be done, but for your need to be met. You may even give Him some excellent reasons why He must meet the need. You attempt to manipulate Him into action, but He does not answer because He knows that what you think you need is not what you really need. You think you need comfort, and He knows you need to be uncomfortable so you can lean on Him. You think you need finances, but He knows you need trust. You think you need love, but He knows you need to first learn to give love. Since your “needs” are not met the way you think they should be, you fight and fuss with others because your heart is not right with Him.
So, what are you to do to break this cycle? I am glad you asked because James tells us some steps that need to be taken:
1. Realize that immediate gratification is a tactic of the enemy. (4:4)
2. Realize that selfish insistence on our own way is the opposite of how Jesus lived His life and gave His life for us. (4:4)
3. Decide about whether we are going to be like God or like this world. (4:4-5)
4. Know that we cannot do both. (4:7)
5. Humble ourselves to God and submit to His plan and His way. (4:8)
6. Repent from wrong thinking and wrong actions (4:8-10)
7. Seek to make all the relationships we have damaged by our selfish actions right (4:11-12)
What about you? What will you do?